eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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