Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
