shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
