I got chris browned last night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize