Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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