Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize