I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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