I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You are the jesus of drinking
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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