She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
