I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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