I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
