i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
