he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
