I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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