Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize