you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
