fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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