shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
