I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
