OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
