I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
