Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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