the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
