i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
