____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
