did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
