Where did you get a picture of my penis
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
