I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
