Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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