wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
