i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
