i think i have herpe
just one?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
