evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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