I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
