Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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