The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
