this boner is exhausting
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
