yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
