"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize