oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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