your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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