don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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