Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't deserve a penis
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
