Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
