worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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