My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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