Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
