with your own penis?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
