I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
