I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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