The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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