dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
