I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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