kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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