Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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