saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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