Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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