i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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