That's when you crack a 10am beer
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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