wat bout pragnant strippers??
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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