sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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