i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
