chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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