so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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