he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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