i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
