did you get engaged???
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm at about main and main street
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
