the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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