this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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