This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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