hotel room ftw
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
