I just pynch a tree in the face
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
