Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
