My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
