dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dignity is for republicans.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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