True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
