i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my liver is dry heaving
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
