Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
