you traded sex for a burrito?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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