She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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