bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
