vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
