I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
