if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ladies don't puke and tell
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
