You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize