I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
