need another drink. this is the easiest way
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
