oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
