I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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