My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we're making bets on your personal life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize