I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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