Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
