I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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