the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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