I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
